Drabble collection
by hawkataine
Summary: Random short stories based on prompts from a friend. CRACK FIC. Taking prompt suggestions. Please read and review, it makes my day :)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N This is my first fanfic EVER. More chapters in the works but if you want to write me a prompt, I will see what I can do ;)**

Merlin was playing catch with a horse.

The problem was, the horse seemed to be better at catching than he was.

He reflected on this momentarily before he dropped the ball. Again. It was really getting quite annoying.

Still, it was better than playing with Arthur. Or one of the knights. Or anyone else for that matter. At least the horse couldn't tell him how bad he was at catching.

Unlike the knights.

"Merlin! There you are!"

Oh dear.

"Gwaine, Percival," Merlin replied unenthusiastically.

"Arthur wants you. He wants to know what you've done with his hor– ah."

"Merlin, is there any particular reason why you're playing catch with Arthur's horse?"

Merlin debated the advantages of running in the opposite direction.

"I – uh – Thought it looked lonely."

"So you brought it out here to play catch?"

"Um, yes? I mean, it can't be a very exciting life, being a horse, can it? I mean it's not exactly like you can talk to anyone, or even just get out and about once in a while without it being someone else who's making you carry them, and then it's not really fair because you don't really have any control over where you're going. So I thought it might enjoy playing catch."

"Merlin."

"Um, yes?"

"You're blabbing again."


	2. Chapter 2

Merlin was not sure that taking Arthur to meet Kilgharrah had been such a good idea. Yes, Arthur had seemed to be taking the discovery of Merlin's magic in his stride, but perhaps introducing him to the supposedly dead Great Dragon in the same day wasn't as wholly appropriate as it had originally seemed.

Arthur now stood face-to-face with said Great Dragon, shouting at him for attacking Camelot, consorting with and influencing Merlin, eating sheep and generally still being alive. Thankfully, Kilgharrah appeared to be taking this with good humour.

Arthur, however, seemed determined to provoke the dragon by any means possible.

"I, Arthur Pendragon, Prince of Camelot, find you guilty of practising the art of sorcery."

"Arthur, what are you doing?" Merlin whispered frantically.

"This is regarded as an act of high treason, the punishment for which is death." Arthur drew his sword and levelled it at the Great Dragon.

Merlin sighed. It was going to be one of those days.

Kilgharrah snorted, then, realising that Arthur was serious, raised a mighty forepaw and slapped the Once and Future King before taking to the skies.

Merlin had a feeling that he was in Big Trouble.

"Ow," Arthur moaned from the floor. Merlin rolled his eyes.

"Aww, did the nasty dwagon hurt you?"

"Of course not, Merlin."

"Well, it's just that all the evidence would suggest that, actually, getting slapped by the Great Dragon would cause pain in anyone with half a brain cell. And the whole moaning thing –"

"Merlin."

"Arthur?"

"Shut up."

"Yes, sire."

"What did he do that for, anyway?" Arthur rubbed his jaw, shooting a dark look at the sky.

"Uh, I would guess that it might have been something to do with the fact that you just accused the Great Dragon of sorcery, which, by the way, isn't actually outlawed anymore, and sentenced him to death."

Arthur waved a hand in annoyance.

"Details, Merlin."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N In case anyone was confused, these stories are not in any kind of order or set at any particular point. Assume Arthur hasn't discovered Merlin's magic unless it specifically says otherwise :)**

Arthur came bursting into Merlin's chambers one day, grinning from ear to ear.

"Merlin, I've just proposed to Guinevere!"

"Congratulations!" Merlin beamed.

"I want you to be best man. I've bought her a wedding ring; here it is, look after it. The wedding's on Sunday."

"It's a bit short notice," Merlin teased. "I might not be able to make it."

He laughed at Arthur's expression and took the ring from him. "Don't worry, I'll turn up."

Leon stuck his head around the doorway.

"Arthur, Gwen wants you."

"Right. See you later, Merlin," Arthur hurried out the door.

Merlin smiled as he put the ring on the table. It was diamond, and sparkly – everything a ring should be. He was sure Gwen would be overjoyed.

...

When Arthur returned he found Merlin sorting frantically through piles of papers on the desk. He groaned.

"Merlin, you've lost it, haven't you?"

"Uh, not exactly. I prefer to think of it as temporarily... uh... invisible?"

"What?"

"Do you know who you bought it from?" Merlin continued.

"Um, some random trader in the market?"

"See? It could be a magic ring for all you know. It might turn invisible for an hour every day. You don't know what it might be able to do, or how many secret powers it possesses. You never know with those traders..."

"Merlin, I want that ring found now."

"Aww, but –"

"You know, Merlin, I'm always amazed by the love you seem to hold for the stocks. I simply can't keep you away from them, can I?"

Merlin groaned.


	4. Chapter 4

"Remember, Merlin. If you lose this, you lose everything, and Camelot will fall," Morgana grinned evilly across the table.

"Right," Merlin said apprehensively, "Just remind me of the rules again?"

"It's simple. You make a word out of your tiles and place it next to another one on the board. You get points depending on how much the letters are worth and where you put them. If you use all your tiles in one go, you get an extra fifty points. You win if you have the most points when the tiles run out."

"Sounds good. Do you want to go first?"

"No, no, go ahead."

Merlin thought for a moment. "God, this is hard... I know! 'Squeezy'!" he said triumphantly, placing his tiles.

Morgana gasped and buried her head in her hands.

"I'm doomed!" she screamed in despair. "Beaten by an illiterate manservant at my own game!"

Merlin was insulted. "I can read, you know."

Morgana started to sob desperately, tugging her hair and clawing at her face. Merlin began to feel slightly guilty.

"Look, I don't mind if you want a rematch..." he tried to console the witch.

"GET OUT!" she shrieked.

"Well, fine, I was only trying to help. You shouldn't have put so much eyeliner on, you know. It's all running down your face." Merlin snapped, affronted.

**A/N ****Thanks to TruffleHead for your review, glad to hear you're enjoying the story. It made me happy ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

It had been snowing in Camelot for several days. Patrols to the outlying villages had been halted and the citadel was on lockdown. Food was being rationed and shelter was being provided for refugees from the villages. Merlin and Gaius were growing increasingly concerned about the welfare of the ordinary peasants, who were being impacted more and more by the food shortages. On top of this, many of the herbs Gaius needed to treat his patients were buried under three feet of snow.

Merlin had an idea. He set to work in Gaius' chambers, much to the intrigue of his guardian.

Hours later, he approached Arthur and Leon, who were discussing the best way to distribute the dwindling food supplies.

"Look what I made," Merlin beamed.

Arthur frowned. Leon glanced from Merlin, to Arthur, and then back again.

"Merlin, they're planks of wood."

"Hey!" Merlin protested. "I spent ages on these!"

"But what do they do?"

"Come on, come outside. I'll show you."

"Merlin, it's freezing outside."

"Exactly!" Merlin grinned. Arthur and Leon followed, mystified.

When they reached the courtyard, Merlin dropped the planks and began strapping his feet in to grooves in the wood.

"Merlin, what the hell is this?" Arthur frowned, tilting his head to see if it made more sense from a different angle.

"Wait for it..." Merlin said.

"I am waiting. It's practically glacial out here, and we have training to go to in about two minutes, but I'm still waiting."

"That's a lot of dedication – never knew you cared," Merlin grinned cheekily. He stood up. "Watch what happens."

Arthur and Leon watched as Merlin took one tentative step and then another.

"Congratulations, Merlin, you've learnt how to walk," Arthur sighed. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have training to go to."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Thanks to everyone who is still reading these. I can't believe how many views this fic has!**

**Thanks again to TruffleHead for your continued support, and also Julia is an Angel and Porcelain Maiden for following :)**

**If anyone has any prompts they want me to write, please feel free to drop me a line, and I'll see what I can do ;)**

**This chapter follows on from Chapter 1.**

Merlin ignored Gwaine and turned his attention back to the horse. He threw the ball to it, trying to demonstrate to his friends that he was right, and that it was enjoying the chance to get out and play for once.

The horse caught the ball in its teeth effortlessly, and with a flick of its head sent it sailing back to Merlin, who dropped it.

"Merlin, what was that?" Gwaine laughed.

"Even a horse can catch better than you!" Percival choked.

Merlin sighed. This was exactly what he had been trying to avoid.

They were distracted by the horse suddenly falling to the floor, where it writhed around.

"What's it doing, Merlin?"

"You realise that's the King's horse? That you've killed?"

"Someone get Gaius, quickly!"

Gwaine disappeared up the steps.

Merlin panicked and stepped towards the horse, careful to avoid any flailing limbs.

"What do we do?"

"Uh, Merlin..." Percival stared at a point over his shoulder with a look of concern on his face.

"MERLIN!" King Arthur strode across the courtyard. "What have you done to my horse?" he steamed angrily.

Merlin groaned. It had been bad enough Gwaine and Percival turning up and laughing at his inability to catch, but this was a bordering on ridiculous.

"Uh, nothing..."

"Percival?"

"I don't know, it just kind of collapsed."

Merlin was saved from further questions by the reappearance of Gwaine, Gaius in tow.

"Merlin!" Gaius panted.

"Ah, Gaius. Tell me, what has my idiot manservant done to my horse this time?"

Gaius stepped closer for a better look. "Well, sire, it would appear that nothing is wrong with the beast."

"What do you mean, nothing's wrong? It's lying on the floor!" Arthur yelled.

"Well, sire, in my experience it would seem that Merlin often has this effect on animals."

"What?"

"Sire, it would appear that your horse is laughing at Merlin."

"What? Why would it do that? Aside from the obvious, of course."

"Watch," Percival grinned, taking Gwaine's apple and tossing it high in the air. "Catch, Merlin!"

"Hey!" Gwaine protested.

Arthur watched his manservant run about under the falling apple, limbs flailing madly. Merlin jumped up, arms outstretched, missed the apple and went tumbling to the ground, tripping over his own feet.

"I see what you mean," Arthur grinned, shaking his head. "Flamingos could catch better than that, and they haven't even been discovered yet!"

The others looked at each other doubtfully.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N Okay, so I wrote most of these around Christmas time for a friend, hence the Christmas theme in this one. **

**TruffleHead - Your reviews always make me so happy - thank you and I hope you enjoy this one too :)**

**In other news, plot bunnies are gradually dying out (I've still got about ten more chapters planned, but hey) so prompts would be welcomed.**

"Merlin, what do you want for Christmas?"

"I don't know, Arthur, just get me anything."

"Anything?"

It was amazing how one word could fill Merlin with such dread.

...

On Christmas Eve, Merlin was walking through the castle when he saw Arthur, Gwaine and Leon coming towards him.

"Merlin!" Gwaine greeted him cheerfully. "Coming to the tavern later?"

"Uh, no. How've you managed to keep him out of there?" he asked Leon incredulously. Leon shifted uncomfortably and glanced at Arthur, who shook his head almost imperceptibly.

"The Princess was showing us your Christmas present," Gwaine explained. Arthur elbowed him and Leon rolled his eyes.

"Oh," Merlin grinned, turning to Arthur, "well, I'm sure whatever she's chosen it will be lovely."

"Hey! I'll have you know, Guinevere hasn't even seen it yet – I chose it myself," Arthur protested.

"God save us all," Merlin teased. "Well, I'll see you later."

"In the tavern!" Gwaine called over his shoulder as they walked away.

...

On Christmas morning, Merlin burst into Arthur's chambers.

"Rise and shine," he said happily. "It's Christmas!"

"Merlin, do you have any idea what time it is?"

"About half five," Merlin grinned. "Anyway, I want my present."

"Urgh," Arthur groaned. "It's over in the corner."

"What is it?"

"You'll have to wait and see."

"Is it a horse brush?"

"Nope."

"Some shoe polish?"

"Nope."

"Am I close?"

"Nope."

Merlin sighed in frustration. "Is it a new neckerchief? Everyone's buying me neckerchiefs, it's worse than socks."

"Nope."

"What?" Merlin was taken aback. "Is it socks? A quill? A water-skin? A sword? A suit of armour? That would be your wonderful sense of humour shining through, wouldn't it? No? What about, um, a book?"

Arthur was the one grinning now. "Nope, none of those. Open it."

Merlin obliged cautiously.

"Arthur, what the hell is this?"

"It's my new action figure, look, isn't it so awesome? I knew you'd like it!" Arthur beamed.

Merlin face-palmed.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N TruffleHead - Lol thank you so much, your reviews make me unbelievably happy ;) Thanks for the prompt, I think I've got an idea of where that's going to go :)**

**Thanks to The Sorceress's Apprentice for following**

**And I genuinely have no idea where this came from.**

Merlin, Arthur and the Knights were making camp when Merlin saw something flicker in the surrounding woods.

"Shh. Did you see that too?"

"What?" Gwaine asked.

"I thought I saw something move over there. It was, I don't know, a bit pink?"

"Merlin, you're imagining things," Arthur said dismissively. "Go check on the horses."

"No, I know what I saw, and it was definitely there. I felt it watching me."

Merlin set off in pursuit of the mysterious creature. He tramped his way through the undergrowth, not caring if he scared it away. Arthur sighed and followed him.

Merlin reached a clearing and caught a brief glimpse of the creature on the other side before it vanished between the trees again.

"Come on, it's not far," he called over his shoulder.

Arthur groaned. "Merlin, how long do you plan to spend looking for your elusive pink creature?"

Merlin ignored him and ploughed on, running now. He heard Arthur panting behind him, trying to keep up. Reaching a stream, he leapt over it, hot in pursuit of the pink enigma.

Suddenly, he stopped. The creature was standing a few metres away, watching him disdainfully. It appeared to have only one leg, and a long neck, which supported a beak and beady eyes.

Merlin reached out a hand tentatively.

"Hello," he whispered.

He was interrupted by the arrival of Arthur.

"Oh, I get it," Arthur said as if he had just had a revelation. Merlin looked at him.

"What?"

"It's a flamingo!"

"What?"

"A flamingo, have you never heard of them?"

"Uh, no..."

"Okay then, let's pretend that we just discovered a new creature, which we have, and that I am about to name it," Arthur said slowly with an air of impatience.

"Right. And you're going to name it after me?" Merlin said, grinning.

"No, Merlin, you're not pink," Arthur said exasperatedly. "I'm going to name it a flamingo."

"Bless you."

"No, that's what I've named it!"

"What?"

"I give up," sighed Arthur, shaking his head.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N Wow. I can't believe it! Reviews, favourites, follows, all doubled overnight! THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO'S HELPED THAT HAPPEN :D**

**To everyone who's suggested prompts - thanks :) I can safely say that all of them have bred plot bunnies, even if they've mutated a bit...**

"Well that wasn't meant to happen."

"Merlin, how many times do I have to tell you not to experiment with your magic?"

"I didn't mean it to explode like that, Gaius! I just wanted to make it smell a bit better."

"Merlin, you shouldn't have tried to do anything to it! How are you going to explain this to Arthur? You've just blown up his stables! It's a small miracle the horses are still alive!"

"Um, I'll think of something?"

"What's going on? Merlin, what have you done to the Royal stables?!"

"Uh, I..."

"Well?"

"...was trying out my new interior decorating skills. I thought the horses might enjoy it if I spiced up their room, you know?"

Arthur glared at Merlin.

"Okay, never mind, um, it was a gas leak? Wait, that hasn't been invented yet. So maybe it was the horse's fault. There was a suicide bomber. The building was so excited it felt the need to explode. It really needed to pee, and it couldn't hold it in any longer."

Arthur remained surprisingly unconvinced.

"Right, okay, ignore that, uh..."

Merlin caught sight of a figure across the courtyard.

"It was Gwaine," he pointed in the right direction. "He did it."

Arthur stormed towards Gwaine. Merlin winced in sympathy for the knight momentarily, before turning and fleeing.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N** It's been too long! I'm sorry! The good news is, I now have chapters 13 - 15 in the works.**

Percival smiled as he twisted the knife in Elyan's gut. The other knights gaped.

"Percival, what have you done?" Arthur said, wide-eyed.

"What I came here to do. You should have conducted your staff interviews more carefully, young Pendragon, when you took me on as a knight. I didn't even have to say anything, just try to drop a boulder on you, and you were completely sold. I'll teach you to be so careless. You underestimated me, you couldn't see past my use to you as a weapon of war. My strength blinded you to what lay inside. Well, I'll show you your mistake. You are at my mercy now, and I will stop at nothing before I kill you." Percival sneered.

Arthur was gobsmacked. "You mean you can actually talk? That was the longest speech I've ever heard you say!"

Percival rolled his eyes. Of course, that would be the thing concerning them the most.

**A/N Yeah, that was short. Sorry :/ I've always wondered about Percival... lol XD**

**In other news, I'm nearing the end of the pre-written chapters, so updates will probably get slower from here. Prompts and reviews are always good motivation to write quickly though! ;)**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N So so so sorry this took so long. I've been having school exams, and all the chapters posted from here onwards are not yet written. Please forgive me ;)**

Arthur woke up to find himself chained to a wall. He shook the cuffs experimentally, before noticing Leon in the corner, also chained up but very much awake.

"What happened?" he asked, trying to rearrange the previous day's events into an order which made sense and failing miserably.

"It was Morgana, sire," Leon replied, his tone grave. Arthur groaned.

"I should probably have seen that one coming, shouldn't I?"

Leon hesitated, unwilling to insult his King's intelligence, but nodded anyway. There was a brief contemplative silence - brief because that was all Arthur was capable of.

"Leon?"

"Sire?"

"Why do you think Morgana keeps finding us so easily?"

Leon pondered this for a moment before coming to the conclusion that the answer was not going to magically appear before him.

"I don't know, sire."

"I mean, it's not like we make any noise on patrol, is it?"

"No, sire." _Unless Gwaine's there, _he mentally added.

"And we blend in perfectly with the woods and everything. Agravaine's always saying how red and green are - what was it?"

"Complementary colours, sire."

"Exactly. So it can't be that."

Leon thought it was probably best to steer Arthur back onto more familiar ground.

"Maybe it's her magic, sire."

"Don't be ridiculous, Leon. Using magic to spy on people? What would be the point of that?"

Leon managed to catch himself before he answered. He hadn't become such a highly regarded knight by arguing his point, and it wasn't going to start helping now.

"And Agravaine said it can't be a spy on the inside," Arthur mused.

Leon found himself repeating the thought process. He was totally unprepared, however, for what came next.

"No, I think she must be able to smell us coming."

Leon raised one eybrow in the gloomy darkness, and silently pleaded that they be rescued before his sanity gave out.

**A/N Like I said, there are no more pre-written chapters. I'll try to get another one out to you guys every Sunday, or something. Prompts still welcome ;) Thanks for continued support :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N TruffleHead - one crackish magic reveal coming up :)**

Merlin looked up as Leon appeared in the doorway.

"Merlin, Arthur wants to speak with you," the knight said. Merlin was slightly concerned by the grave tone of voice before he remembered that Leon always spoke like that - even at celebrations, much to everyone's annoyance.

"Fine," Merlin groaned, "I'm coming, I'm coming." Inwardly he wondered what the prince could possibly want this time. They'd only just come back from a hunting trip, for crying out loud. Literally. The poor unfortunate boar probably hadn't finished dripping blood over Gwaine's even more unfortunate horse yet.

Leon nodded and disappeared to do Leonish things, probably involving obedience and disapproval. Merlin wondered if he was being a bit harsh on the knight, but dismissed the thought as quickly as it came, since it was probably treason.

* * *

Merlin found Arthur sitting in his chambers staring intently at a goblet on his table, with the look of of concentration on his face that was normally reserved for constipation (Yes, there was a specific look). He seemed not to notice Merlin's arrival.

"Um." Merlin said matter-of-factly.

Arthur glanced up at him. "Oh, it's you."

"You sent Leon to get me, remember?" Merlin prompted as the prince went back to staring at the cup. When no response came, he sighed loudly.

"Ssshh, Merlin. I'm concentrating," Arthur snapped.

"What? I know everyone says you can do impossible feats, but isn't that a bit extreme?"

Still no response. Merlin was getting worried now.

"What are you expecting to happen? It's not going to topple over or anything like that, if that's what you were hoping for. Even you can't stare that indignantly. Although you've had plenty of practice..."

Arthur looked at his manservant. "Merlin, when we were out hunting this morning, did you notice anything odd?"

Merlin frowned. "Sorry, what? Should I have?"

Arthur took a deep breath. "Merlin, I think I have magic."

Merlin stared at him blankly. "What?"

"It all makes sense! This morning, when those bandits attacked, one of them shot an arrow at me. It stopped right -"

"Wait, wait, slow down. You think you have magic?" Merlin said incredulously. Sure, he knew Arthur was a bit thick, but surely even he wasn't that thick?

Arthur glared at him. "You heard me. And keep your voice down. Anyway, the arrow stopped right here," he pointed to a spot about a foot away from his face, "and fell to the floor."

Merlin started laughing uncontrollably.

"And all those times before! When the odds were stacked against me, and suddenly a branch fell on the nearest attackers, or when I fought Queen Annis' champion and his sword got stuck in the ground. Or that other time when -"

Merlin was overcome by another tide of laughter. Arthur rose from his seat and hit his manservant around the head.

"I only told you because I thought you'd be sympathetic! I thought you were a friend! What am I going to tell my father?"

Merlin stopped giggling inanely and looked up at his friend from the floor. It was about time, he figured, to put his friend out of his misery.

"Arthur," he said seriously. "It was me. I stopped them killing you, all those times."

Arthur's eyes widened, and then his face was filled with rage.

"If I wanted jokes made, I would have told Gwaine! Why can't you take this seriously? Get out! I don't want to see you back here again! GET OUT!"

Merlin gave up protesting and ran for the door, hands over his head and still chortling.

**A/N So I was writing this chapter and it spawned a multi-chapter fic in my imagination. It's going to be crackish angst, which should be interesting, centering around Arthur thinking he's got magic. If anyone has any ideas for a title, please drop me a line, as I am the world's worst fic namer (see this fic's title). Actually, speaking of which, if anyone has a better idea for this fic's title, please let me know ;)**

**Thanks to all my wonderful reviewers - without you I would have given up on this chapters ago. Virtual cookies to you all :)**


	13. Chapter 13

Arthur looked up as Leon and Gwaine entered his tent.

"Is there news?" he frowned.

"King Roland is requesting an audience with you, sire. I believe he wishes to negotiate," Leon explained apologetically.

"What?" Arthur was confused. Roland had crossed Camelot's borders with his entire army two days ago, settled near one of the outlying villages and sent a messenger to the citadel to explain in no uncertain terms that there were no negotiations to be had and that Arthur was to bring an army to face them off.

"I think 'negotiate' is a bit extreme," Gwaine put in. "I reckon he wants you to come up with a get out of jail free card for him."

The other two stared at him.

"A what?" Arthur asked, not really sure that he wanted to know the answer.

"Thay haven't been invented yet," Gwaine clarified. "They'd be damn useful, though. Blueberry?" He stuck out a hand containing a bag of small, blue berries and popped six into his mouth. "Couldn't find any apples."

Arthur turned back to Leon doubtfully.

"Where is he?"

"Away with the fairies, I'd say, sire. I swear we didn't give him anything -"

"No, not Gwaine - Roland!" Arthur sighed.

"At the edge of camp. Percival and Elyan are with him."

"Right. Let's see what he's got to say then."

Arthur led the way through the camp until he came across Percival and Elyan, who were locked in a three-way staring contest. Roland seemed not to have noticed that he was the third way yet, as he leapt to his feet when he saw Arthur arrive. Unfortunately, he was attempting to bow at the same time, the result of which was a rather Merlin-esque faceplant into Arthur's boots.

"King Roland," Arthur nodded, privately wondering what someone had done to get that title for him.

"King Arthur, sire," Roland replied hastily, picking himself up in a vague effort to restore his dignity.

"Leon says you wish to speak with me," Arthur prompted when the smaller man was not forthcoming.

"A-a-ah, y-yes," Roland stammered. Arthur tried to work out how it was possible to stutter when saying "ah". Surely, by the time you'd said the "a", the "h" had already followed naturally?

He was brought back to reality by Leon coughing pointedly. He glared in what he hoped was an intimidating manner at the other king, daring him to continue. Although, truth be told, there wasn't really much to continue with yet.

"W-well, t-the t-thing i-is, u-um, I-I d-don't, u-um, e-er..."

_Hang on, _Arthur thought. _Surely it should be "**th**-the **th-**thing"?_

A whirlwind of revelation stormed through the young Pendragon's mind. Could it be?

"You don't have a stutter at all!" Arthur cried accusingly. "What is this, trying to gain my sympathy or something?"

"Well, yes, actually," Roland said, straightening up and brushing down his uniform. "Morgana told me to come and fight you, so I did, and now I'm having second thoughts. You see, most of the people she gets to fight you end up losing everything. So I figured, why not just come straight to you, sign it all over, and get to keep my life?"

Arthur stared at him.

"What about loyalty?" Leon frowned.

"Well, she normally just kills everyone anyway, no matter if they've been faithful or not, so I thought, at least this way I'll have a headstart on her. You know, for running away. Following the yellow brick road to freedom/infinity and beyond and all that."

Arthur stared at him.

"Is that a problem? No? Excellent. With any luck we can have the deal signed and sealed before the news at ten. Now if you'll excuse me? Planets to save, civilisations to rescue, creatures to defeat and an awful lot of running to do. So long and thanks for all the fish!"

He jogged away.

Arthur stared after him.

"See, what did I tell you?" Gwaine said smugly. "He really did want a get out of jail free card!"

Arthur stared at him.

Then he realised he was going to have to hire an inventor. Most of the things they seemed to reference these days didn't actually exist.

_Yet_, he mentally added.

**A/N So sorry for the late update! Please forgive me! No good excuse really, other than being a bit ill this week. I've tried to make it up to you by making this one extra long? **

**Spot the references in this chapter! I got slightly bored about halfway through, so I decided to pollute this chapter with a ridiculous amount of references to most of my favourite fandoms. Drop me a line if you find them!**


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